how is it that there is so much love in between us and will continue to be but you don’t want to be with me? You don’t want to work at this anymore. I know I didn’t show that I was there, but I started to regress into my little shell because for a little bit there I felt like I wasn’t good enough, or I didn’t do anything right. So I thought why try? For instance that time on your birthday. I tried to do everything perfectly and right but it all went to shit. After that I really just felt badly. But I should of been able to tell you that. I couldn’t, didn’t see this coming. I know I’ll probably blame myself for a while. But really what else do you expect? Look I know I didn’t do completely right by you in certain things and you know I’m sorry. You honestly deserve to be happy with someone who will give you everything you desire and want in someone. And hopefully the day you meet them you accept them for who they are and love all their flaws and not let it get to you too much. Because I’m sure they’ll love you and accept you with all your good and little quirks like I do. Who knows we may never see or talk to each other again but know I love you and miss you. But I’m not begging you to come back because I know that’s not an option for you and honestly I don’t think I’m even ready to go back to that either. After everything I’m hurt you would end it after you said you’d never and only gave me 3 reasons you would ever end it. But life has a funny way of working out right? When the only thing standing in the way of us being together is us. But then again if you really wanted to be with me, you would be here right?
And a part of me is so mad at you. but i think that’s normal. oh well have a nice life with another woman you’ll find and love more than you thought imaginable. I’ll be fine without you. and if you ever decide to come back, just know and be sure you mean it next time. I can’t do this anymore.
I want to know how is it that we can move on from the person we love? We’re in love with.
I have loved people in my life and dare to say have been in a fanciful teenage love. But never anything so real as to see a future with someone, children, a house, all of it. I never envisioned my life with someone like that ever. I had never opened up to someone like that. I poured my heart and soul into the other person. But why did it end? I know why, me. So how do I move on? How can I possibly stand the hurt and pain I feel daily? I can’t escape it no matter who I’m with or what I’m trying to do to avoid the thought of them never being with me again. I am trying my best, and I figure it takes time, yeah time I have but I don’t want to lose it. I want it back but can’t get it back no matter how badly I wish it. I can’t fix how the other person feels. They don’t feel the same way, and it’s a terrible feeling. There was never a moment I doubted I ever loved that person or in love. But I can’t change what happened. More than anything my heart tells me, that’s the one. My mind and people around me tell me to move on, you’ll find someone else, you’re still young. I know I’m still young, but I know what I feel and that’s tremendous inexplicable love for one person. We clicked so well, in a couple months things faded. Why? Because it wasn’t meant to be? No, I could never think that. It’s because I didn’t try hard enough to make it work, I was lazy, not giving back, being selfish and inconsiderate. I know now I’d never do that again. But it’s too late. The pain felt when I realized it wasn’t going to be the same, nearly destroyed me. I didn’t know what to do with the pain. I thought terrible thoughts of self destruction, but what’s that worth? More pain for those around you. That would be the biggest selfish act I could commit. So what do I do? Move on? Can’t I will always love that person. Always. That’s the sad part. If there’s ever a person who would be crazy enough to want to be with me, they’d be out of luck because I would never be the same. Always in love with someone else. Nobody deserves that. So what I live life alone? I’m not afraid of that. But I don’t want it because I know who I want there every step of the way. And it fucking sucks that it didn’t work out! So badly! More than anything I want the love and joy that person brought into my life back. So it’s silly for me to ask how do i move on because regardless of how much advice I give or receive I’ll never be the same. He completed me (sounds melodramatic I know, but look at the damn title of this blog). “I love you. Forever. But that’s the problem.”
Hopefully we’ve all experienced love in our life time. We all know it’s tricky, never perfect. We hope for the best, we wish to have a special connection and share that with one person for the rest of our lives, but what we don’t realize is that it doesn’t last. Nothing does. You can sit and say, “maybe one day we’ll be together” get over it! I’m saying this to help. There’s no point in hoping because if things didn’t work out the first time they probably won’t the second time. But that can be proven wrong of course. WE as humans acquire a sense of dependence when we’re with another person, as if that person was the only person that existed. They were and they might continue to be but that’s not enough to get you by. You want it all. The love, the kisses, the hugs, the cuddling, the cute slaps on your bum (personal preference), the smiles, all of it from one person. Yeah you want them to be the first and last person to see when you close and open your eyes, but guess what? Doesn’t always happen. I’m not saying give up on the idea of love, just grow up and realize life isn’t a damn fairytale, it’s not perfect and you won’t get what you want, and if you do then hold on to it and don’t let it slip, especially if it means the world to you. You learn from your mistakes, but there’ll come a day when you look back and smile at the time you spent with that person, at first it’ll be hard but you’ll get there. Who knows, maybe for you it’ll work out and it will end up being the same person you fell in love with (lucky you). But for most of us, we may never be as complete or in love as we were but all you can do is wish the best for them and hope they find someone they deserve and makes them happy as they made you happy, because everyone deserves that.
I look back at a moment in my life where I had it all, I saw more than a moment, I saw a life, a life I won’t be able to live, instead it’s unattainable. But that part will always be occupied by that time and although it may hurt, I’ll continue my life because that’s the only thing left to do. I’m no love expert but I know what I went through was an experience I’d share with someone who doubts love exists. Although some say, if they really loved you and cared they would of stayed, but that’s not the case. I believe someone can love and even be in love but to ask them to carry on a burden that is not their’s to fix or take on is unfair and selfish. And if you can no longer be the person that inspires or creates happiness in their life then you have to let it go. And don’t sit around waiting for them to come back (there’s only 1 out of 2 chance they’ll be back) because it will stop you from experiencing a life you have yet to live. Not saying forget about them, NO, remember but acknowledge that they were and will always be a part of your life that changed you. But I wish all of you the best outcome possible. Hopefully some can have that fairytale ending and end up with the person you’ve fallen madly in love with, and for those who don’t I’m sorry but you’ll find something else and I know it won’t be the same but YOU will be happy again.